• You are not alone.
• No one has the right to abuse you.
• You haven't "asked for it."
• It will likely not end while you remain in the relationship.
• Your partner is choosing to be abusive and there is no excuse.
• You deserve to be safe.
• You DO have the strength to make changes for a better life for yourself and your baby.
• There are people who really care about the safety and happiness of you and your baby.
• Help is available.

You are not responsible for being abused but there are steps you can take to help increase your safety should you need to. An excellent safety plan for you and your child(ren) can be found at www.shelternet.ca. Remember to hide your internet activities if you are concerned that your partner may search out which sites you have visited.

 

Although one of the best predictors of abuse in pregnancy is previous abuse, as many as 40% of women who reported abuse in pregnancy stated that the abuse started when they became pregnant. (Health Canada)

Abuse in pregnancy involves tactics that are unique to the childbearing year during a time when you may be more physically and emotionally vulnerable. These are some of the ways in which you might be abused in the childbearing year:

Isolation

• Preventing you from getting prenatal care
• Preventing you from getting information regarding your pregnancy
• Not letting you take prenatal classes

Male Privilege

• Demanding you care entirely for the household
• Asserting that your child will be raised according to his customs and belief systems
• Demeaning your role as a mother
• "Father knows best" mentality

Emotional Abuse

• Telling you that you look fat or making other derogatory comments about your body
• Verbally abusing you so that you are unable to look after yourself, your pregnancy or your baby
• Sabotaging your efforts to stay clean from drugs and/or alcohol

Using Children

• Threatening to harm your unborn baby or your child should you decide to leave
• Trying to convince others that you are an unfit mother
• Threatening to call child protection on you

Physical Abuse

• Increasing the severity/frequency of physical assaults
• Directing abuse towards your abdomen

Minimizing, Denying and Blame

• Holding you solely responsible for the pregnancy, "you got yourself into this"
• Refusing to admit that he is the father of your child
• Blaming you for the child being the "wrong" sex

Sexual Abuse

• Forcing you to engage in unwanted sexual activities
• Refusing to have a sexual relationship with you since you became pregnant
• Having an affair, transmitting a sexually transmitted infection, HIV/AIDS, exposing you and your baby to risks

Coercion and Threats

• Threatening to leave you if you do or do not maintain your pregnancy
• Threatening to harm you if you tell any of your caregivers about the abuse

Financial abuse

• Denying you access to food, clothing, money
• Making you work despite concerns for your health or the health of your baby

Intimidation

• Making threatening motions towards you or your baby
• Giving you "the look" that signals to you that you should be, shouldn't be doing or saying something

It can be overwhelming for you to imagine that the abuse will continue through your pregnancy, postpartum and onward. Perhaps, like other women, you felt that the news of a baby would bring you and your partner closer together. Sadly this is rarely the case. You have a right to know that this isn't realistic so that you can prepare yourself by telling someone, safety planning, seeking counselling and/or leaving your partner. No one has the right to tell you what you should do, however if you are pregnant and are being abused, there are serious consequences for you and your baby. It is normal to be confused and afraid... afraid that the abuse will get worse should you leave, afraid to be a parent on your own, afraid that no one will believe you and that there is nowhere to go. These are all really legitimate concerns but there is help available.

Woman abuse in the childbearing year: (you are on page 1) - page 2 - page 3 - page 4